First Draft Frustrations

Right now I'm working on the rough draft of my next novel, and I am at that point where I'm ready to tear my hair out.

TEAR. MY. HAIR. OUT.

This is how my SOUL feels right now. This.

I think some of my frustration stems from the fact that I'm trying to get it perfect the first time (haha). I'm trying to nail every character, every scene, every line of exposition before I move forward. This is a mistake I make with a lot of manuscripts, unfortunately.

I gave myself a stern lecture about it last night. What I need to do (or at least, what has worked fabulously for me in the past) is write as fast as I can, getting down the bare bones of the story, writing the necessary scenes, capturing the raw emotions as best as I can, sketching out the setting--but not worrying about making it perfect yet. Then I can go back, reread, take stock of what I've done, and add what I need to strengthen and clarify the characters and the story. 

This take-off-running-and-don't-look-back strategy is how I manage to write a first draft quickly. It's also how I avoid copious amounts of stress (because that agonizing-over-perfection thing KILLS me) and it's how I keep from stalling out and never finishing the book.

I found this marvelous quote on Twitter today, and it is perfect advice for me right now:

"No thinking - that comes later. You must write your first draft with your heart. You rewrite with your head. ~Finding Forrester

I just need to write with my heart, I guess. Get all that emotion down first.

But UGH. It is HARD. Hard, I tell you!!

Is anyone else going through first draft frustrations right now? What works for you?

Ten Faces for Writing a First Draft

1. The "I just had a great story idea" face

2. The "It's a really, REALLY good idea" face

3. The "I should be able to write this in a week, tops" face

There will be zombicorns, and readers will LOVE them.

4. The "I must think of an ending" face

Also, did I eat lunch today?

5. The "This is proving harder than I originally thought" face

6. The "Is this writer's block? I refuse to believe in writer's block so it can't be true!" face

Why is the ice cream cake gone?

7. The "I HATE WORDS AND SENTENCES AND EVERYTHING!" face

8. The "I should have been a dental hygienist" face

Do not hold to hope, for it has forsaken these lands ...

9. The "I had an idea, it might work, but I'm afraid to hope ... I'll try it and see" face

I MIGHT be a genius ...

10. The "I'm a frickin' genius!!!!" face

It's official. Genius.

I'm in the first draft of a new book, and the second draft of an older book right now. I've been making a lot of these faces lately.

I'm pretty sure this could all be solved with ice cream cake.

Living (and Writing) the Questions

This post from Rachel Held Evans' blog absolutely inspired me today.

I especially love the quote she cited from Anne Lamott, who is also brilliant:

"The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later…Just get it all down on paper, because there may be something great in those six crazy pages that you would never have gotten to by more rational, grown-up means. There may be something in the very last line of the very last paragraph on page six that you just love, that is so beautiful or wild that you now know what you’re supposed to be writing about, more or less, or in what direction you might go—but there was no way to get to this without first getting through the first five and a half pages. "

The journey is a part of the process.

Definitely go read Rachel's post. And if you get a moment, read her whole blog. It's awesome.

What Scares You About Writing?

News and things

I'm planning on starting work again on my novel. Actually, scratch that. I'm planning on starting work on three of them. Two are re-writes and one is in a stalled-out first draft. These are three projects I feel extremely passionate about and I want to see them all finished.

The hard part right now is deciding which one to pick first.

Sometimes I really wish I could just ASK all the agents--Would you want to request pages for this plot concept? Because I have twenty more if nobody's interested in this one. But you can't do that. Danggit.

Oh, in other (completely unrelated) news, the kitties are getting along famously now. I'm extremely relieved--I'd been reading too many horror stories about neurotic cats that never adjust to the companion adopted to keep them company. But our sweet little cats love each other. They share a food bowl and spend hours snuggling and licking faces. It's been a little over a week, and I don't think either of them remembers that they ever lived without the other.

* pauses for a collective awwww *

The scary part about writing

For me, the hardest part of writing is that fear of failure. When I dream up a story, I see it in my head. Not the whole thing with every detail and every word and every plot twist neatly wrapped up, but the general shape and beautiful, sharp little fragments and snapshots and the FEEL and TASTE and AURA of the story. It's like an addicting mental perfume and I am just in love with it and blown away by it as it comes together. Then when the time comes to do the writing part, I freeze.

What if I write it and it isn't any good? What if I can't capture the things in my head with words? What if I don't know what I'm trying to say?

What if.

I really wish I had some magical comfort to give myself about this. I don't really know how to combat this fear, except for in two ways.

1) I believe it was Robin McKinley who first put me straight about this. On her blog, she wrote about this fear and she said essentially that the story will never be as perfect on paper as it is in your head. So get over that and just write it. So I'm giving myself permission to be a human being and not have a perfect manuscript the first time, or the second, or maybe even the final time. Kind of a scary thought ... but freeing too. If freaking Robin McKinley can say something like that, I feel comforted. Because The Blue Sword was very nearly the perfect book.

2) I read this quote today, and it made me smile. It also made me think. It was by Nic Alderton, and it was pretty long, but he basically said and I'm paraphrasing here, "Think of a story and write it down. What's going to get in your way? Not thinking it up and not writing it down."

So . . .

So I can't overcome failure by hiding or wishing I would just sit down and write a perfect, polished manuscript with one snap of my fingers. I can't not fail by never doing it because I'm scared I won't do a good job. Not trying is the worst kind of failure. I may not get these books right the first time (*giggles morosely* technically one of them is either the 4th or 5th re-write of its respective book, so ... definitely not), but I can do my best.

And at the end of the day, that's all I can really expect from myself.